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The Varney Tens

...the type of guy who needs the latest model of a vehicle every year but I do suffer from what is referred to by our clan as The Varney Tens. The Tens is a generic quirk of the males of my lineage to buy a new rig when our old one passes its decade milestone...
Christmas is a time for...

Editor's note: This column was originally published in The Clarion on Dec. 25, 2011. Author Nick Varney said he had several requests to share it again this year. We all have certain memories or thoughts of times and places that provide...
Unhinged Alaska: Thar's gold in those silver winter kings

The Unhinged Alaska staff has been inundated with questions, beefs and psychotic rants about the new marijuana law.
Grinchettes and grudges

...America had at least finished its Thanksgiving leftovers.Before I give you a snapshot of what it was like back then for the Varney clan, I need to make a full disclosure.In the interest of justice, I am forced to admit there are certainly two (maybe...
Turkey troubles

...matter. As for me, my turkeys continue to be roasted to perfection following an ancient recipie developed by the men of the Varney clan eons ago. We give them to our wives and then stay out of the kitchen because they are armed and very territorial this...
Unhinged Alaska: The morning after

A great Sunday morning to you - unless of course you read the paper online, then all bets are off because Unhinged usually shows up there on Friday or Saturday instead of Sunday. I'm not sure why.
Time for the moose column throwdown

...Sunday paper, brought out the Peninsula Life section to see what Varney had to say and HE had written his column about moose. Not just...about Redoubt, or icy streets or Juneau doings, blame it on Varney. It's all his fault you got two columns on Moose. Virginia...
Unhinged Alaska: DISH doldrums

A few weeks ago my buddy Turk called and was so fired up I could feel the plastic in my phone starting to soften from the heat of his tirade.
Unhinged Alaska: Grump Month

I'm not sure what it is about October that puts me into a mood that my wife refers to as my "Grump Month" but it has happened every year since I spotted my first gray nose hair. It's not an aging thing, trust me.
Unhinged Alaska: The trip

I hold a trip to Anchorage in the same esteem as a "pick up poop patrol" in a heavily populated elephant compound.


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